"It was sort of a permanent reminder, like even if someone's like, 'Hey dude, you're a man' — like it's not right, I don't feel that way."
jordaxn kidwell (they/them) is a songwriter from Bismarck, ND, and the frontperson behind breakup haircuts, Your Awkward Prom Date and formerly of Many Months Left. I've been acquainted with jordaxn off & on for years just as a fellow person involved in the scene around Bismarck, and they & I have been kickin around the prospect of having an in-depth conversation since we hung out in the Many Months Left van on episode #16. Here, an entire, like, year and a half later, jordaxn & I got a chance to go down into the basement & talk about everything ranging from songwriting & gender identity, to death, Jim Carrey, Metallica, and the new EP from breakup haircuts.
Despite my garbage mood swing that began a solid 24 hours before taping this episode — and despite some of the super heavy stuff we discuss regarding violence at a concert in Williston earlier this year — I thoroughly enjoyed my time in the Midwest Biolabs with jordaxn, talkin & hearing them play "Coffee Can" and "Street Cred Baby." I ♥ marathon episodes hehehe.
released December 13, 2017
Topics discussed include: not preparing, effing everything up, 666, glasses, BUxHC, st. ive's lotion, feeling really bad, giving me a breakup haircut, mood swings, trust issues, Paramore, lefse, fleischkuekle, meat pocket, "Coffee Can," dude bros, Affliction, 62 Doors, Williston, iPod Touch, Bismarck, 701 LIFE!!! The North Dakota tattoo, Pangea House, Zach Mulholland, It Came from the Sea, NDTMS, Spite Nap, Texas, Confederate flags, do y'all, Greyhound bus, Bismarck High School aka BHS, GED, dropping out of high school, pentagram, Satan, painting houses, National Debt, Zakk Wylde, Ozzy Osbourne, Metallica, Mötley Crüe, abuse, prison, therapy, hardcore, heavy metal, Bark at the Moon, Randy Rhodes, flying V, Some Kind of Monster, Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Echo Brain, Lars Ulrich, James Hetfield, Reload, misgendering, an entire bottle of wine, songwriting, National Guard, military, Led Zeppelin, Blink-182, Tom DeLonge, "Aliens Exist," Mark Hoppus, UFOs, liquid assets, emo, pop punk, Jets to Brazil, Cap'n Jazz, Motion City Soundtrack, The Number Twelve Looks Like You, midwest emo, skramz, Guitar Pro, guitar tablature & tabs, Dashboard Confessional, Elliott Smith, collaboration, Many Months Left, yelling, playing shows, performing, burning everything down, quitting, obsession, doubt, Reddit, Boreal Gardens, SonnieWaters, Together Throughout, vapor, Girls Just Want to Have Gun, vinyl, fear of abandonment, sad basements, renting apartments, meeting on Instagram, Austin, Amarillo, working at Domino's pizza, Andy Kaufman, bongos, congas, vibraslap, REM, "Man on the Moon," Jim Carrey, Vice, Netflix, Charlottesville, (701) 934-4410, Matt Farley, people love puzzles, Cool Dog, Cool Dog, vinyl record lengths, fish is everywhere, beck.bandcamp.com
, Tyler Pilot, changing strings, recording techiques, Audacity, USB microphones, condenser mics, fidelity, mixing & mastering, international loudness standards, loudness wars, the Dollop, FL Studio, digital drums, band on tape, 808 hand claps, punk, vegan, straight edge, Hamm's beer, St. Anger, not wearing pants, crop tops, isolation, social anxiety, failure, hot air balloons, flamboyance, gender identity, non-binary, gay, they/them tattoo, YOLO tattoo on my third eye, Sarah aka Bartholomew Goop, genderqueer, transgender, Aye Neko, HIRS, educating cisgender people, zines, Minneapolis, Cedar/Riverside, Hard Times Cafe, Mayday Books, U2, anarchism, activism, Harvey Milk, death, aging, abyss, purpose, Albert Camus, the Myth of Sisyphus, i'm an atheist i believe in ghosts, solar power. actually, sorry. Collage, spoken word, "often there's miserable feelings all around me," plain language, melancholy, Guided by Voices, lo-fi, four-track cassette tape, DIY recording, compliments, personal lyrics, diss tracks, self harm, violence, Marilyn Manson, costumes, Why Not Fest, Red Hot Chili Peppers.
I had a dream we were until we weren't
I walked through the woods for days
I came to the top of a hill, a meadow
Flowers hanging like beehives from branches
The horizon showed nothing made
By people, I sang,
Where the hell am I?
wear the same shirt again today
padding around on my morning feet
It's so cold the geese are screaming
The green of the grass showing through the snow
I hold the cylinder cautious in my pocket
The coffee cursed on my teeth
didn't have a coat on
Fall asleep in a pile of color
I'm full of tiny knives